Its the ups and downs that are really getting to me. A week of them now, a week of absolute heartache, uncertainty and very little sleep. It's mad how PHYSICAL the effect is, how I can feel it in my entire body.
I can't wait for the morning when I wake up feeling happy again, believe me I know it will happen eventually. There's just so many bumps in the road to happiness.
I got a letter from my Gran today. First I thought I'd be better off reading it at my friends house as I was heading over there for brunch (and, as it turned out, a movie marathon and a take-away as well. Yes, I am avoiding being on my own, can you blame me?) but then I sat down and opened it up. And I found it hard reading it though my tears. I love her so much and I can't wait to fly back to her, to the same country as her.
I know I am lucky, I am surrounded by people who care, people who support me in my decision, people who will sit up with me until 3am and talk about LIFE, bitterness and the dreams of future loves and happiness.
I love my friends, they are loving, smart, amazing people. Moving away from this country will effect me in ways I cam never imagine. I wont be able to walk down the road and spend the day with them, arrange a night out spontaneously or see them just for one hour over a coffee.
I mean, all of these things are doable, but they will involve more work, more planning.
And that's scary. But at the same time I have to TRY making this shit situation into an opportunity. I have to. And I have to stay strong.
Thank God its been a week. A week which will never come back, a week which must be the low point from which I can work my way up.
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