My mood took a major dive. Not that I was perky before, but there's something about putting things into words which makes you feel ever more. It becomes so real, and that it TERRIFYING.
So I sobbed hysterically and called my parents. My poor dad (who's not big on emotional outbursts) picked up and then spent some frantic minutes trying to find my mum until finally settling down and telling me that I could move to, you know, SHANGHAI or something. Which I guess is technically true.
Then my mum took the phone and we both wept a bit. Honestly, I don't know what do do without them both.
As you may understand I didn't feel on top of the world, so when my friend asked if I wanted her to pop over it was a real life line. The fact that she showed up with wine, cheese, crackers and cigarettes didn't make it worse. And we ranted, and we smoked, and we drank the wine and ranted some more until we could see some kind of hope/humour/possibilities in the whole mess which has been our lives during the last few days (I should add she broke up with her boyfriend during the same hellish weekend. THE UNIVERSE HATES US.)
Anyway. Today I was back to normal, e.g. weeping in the morning, feeling drained and hopeless and slowly building myself up to a fairly stable stage in the afternoon.
It has to get better. It needs to get better.
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