All I want to do is sleep, smoke, cry and hope I will be ok in the end

I'm not even sure how I'm functioning these days.
How do I get up in the morning, how do I go to work, how do I manage to smile... I'm really not sure.
I guess partly because I'm surrounded by friends who want the best for me, partly because although he is now technically my ex we love each other enough to do this in the most grown up way possible and still take care of each other.
And partly because I know I'm bailing out of the country in a few weeks.
The idea of being 26 and moving back home is making me sick, but not as sick as the idea of staying in a job I despise, moving into a shared flat with strangers and staying in the same city as him.
Because if I did it would be so hard.
So hearbreakingly difficult.
I had forgotten how much it hurts, this kind of breakup. My last ones were my choice and I left feeling liberated.
Now I feel crushed, scared and like I'm going to be sick.
But hey, I managed to eat today. Bring on the gold star (it was a kick ass salad, I'm sure vitamins are good for broken hearts).