All I want is to hide in Stephen Fry's library and have him read to me while I drink gin

I don't understand how I can love him so much and at the same time just want to erase him from my memory.
(Well, don't be silly, of course I understand that, I'm just not happy about the whole god damn situation).
I find myself waiting up for him just to make sure he's had a good day and at the same time counting down the days until he's gone and I can start the process of getting over him. It's hurtful, confusing, painful and pretty much sucks more than I could ever imagine.
No amount of cheese toasties and episodes of My so called life will help.