I think I'm writing here for me to have some kind of proof of what I can get through. You know, a play by play analysis of the breakdown of one life and creation of another. I guess I'm still in the 'breakdown' stage (while anticipating the creation stage with an immense sense of fear).
I have no real idea as to where I will live in a years time. That's terrifying, but in a weird way I guess its a good kind of terrifying. I could go to Paris. I could go anywhere, technically. And when again am I to have the chance to just leave?
I know that emotionally I have shut down, I don't have any desire to confront loosing him. I'd rather imagine the possibilities I could create from this shit situation.
So instead of diving into the emotional rabbit hole I'd rather spend nights with my friends, cheese and wine. Cry, hug, laugh and listen to music. Sit in pubs and avoid the rain. Think about other cities and other feelings which will develop at some point, once I'm past the numbness.
Oh. And watch crap telly. You really can't go wrong with crap telly.
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