Fuck this. One moment I feel near OK, then in a heartbeat I realise that in a few weeks my whole life will be completely different, and he won't be in it anymore. I won't be able to go to him with my problems or concerns, show him silly things which makes me laugh or rely on a hug for protection and comfort. It will all be gone, it already is. And it hurts so bad it makes me want to be sick.
I just want to be at home, safe and far away from this feeling. I want to hide, forget and stop feeling like this.
I feel angry that I prioritized his happiness when he couldn't find it in him to prioritize mine, that I saw a future in spite of somehow knowing it wasn't the future he wanted. I feel angry with myself more than with him and I am so sick of this pain. I know they say time heals but it doesn't heal fast enough.
trollvinter av tove janson. Klicka hem den genast (ifall den inte finns i uk-affärerna vilket jag tänker att den inte..) finns ingen lugnare skildring av separation och död. <3
ReplyDelete..och!
ReplyDelete(som jag precis skrev på the drowners-bloggen http://thedrowners.blogspot.se/ )
jag blev så inspirerad av er båda (som precis startat nya bloggar) att jag gjorde en jag med. Den är till er insåg jag just. Brev till dig och Josefin.
<3
Här: (herregud jag glömmer skriva adressen hela tiden)
ReplyDeletehttp://tuesdaycomeslow.blogspot.se/
Jag foljer dig ocksa, vart som helst. <3
Delete