Second morning in a row I haven't woken up with a crippling feeling of sadness, loneliness and anger. No tears, even. Just... numbness.
In all fairness I prefer this, this is tolerable. My comfortable non-emotional state is only temporarily disrupted by the occasional shiver of fear.
But maybe fear is good too?
In the midst of this I have never once doubted my decision to go home, I have been 100% certain that I am doing the right thing all along. That doesn't mean I'm not TERRIFIED. I mean, come on, I'm leaving the city and country which has been my home for 7 years to go back home to a country where I have technically never been a 'real' grown up. I don't know how ANYTHING works in Sweden, I couldn't even tell you what a carton of milk would cost you.
And I am leaving my friends. My beautiful, amazing, loving, caring, intelligent friends.... Yes, there are equally lovely friends over in Scandinavia but my Edinburgh friends have been with me since the start of my 20s and we have been through so much together.
So of course I'm terrified. I could actually pee myself with fear.
But the easy way out is not always the right way, and maybe it's time for me to grow up and tackle life on my own. Which I'm doing by moving back to my Mum and Dad. Makes perfect sense.
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