"People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even."

3 days back in Sweden. I'm starting to feel some kind of... calm? I guess that's it. The immense LIFE-stress is subsiding and my heart, which has been on par with the one of a hummingbird, is starting to go back to a normal heart rate. Swimming in the sea, burning my legs in the sunshine, drinking red wine with my auntie and sitting in my friends house feeling welcome and missed. Riding my dad's bike back home from town at 1am, in the pitch black with the sound of the wind and crickets drowning out whatever feeling I'm still carrying with me.
I could even read the text I got from him without dying a little bit.
I'm sure there will be more of that dying feeling though.
I think of any life-changing event like this as a massive earthquake. Destruction, ashes, fires and tears. And just like with an earthquake there will be a series of mini-quakes following. The big quake will set of more destruction, perhaps not as dramatic or devastating, but enough to leave you feeling winded and scared.
So I guess at the moment I'm enjoying the cal before the next mini-quake. Gathering emotional supplies and strengthening my defences.
 On Monday I will drive down to Berlin. Maybe that's my next city.