I think I compare myself too much.
To others, to friends, family and complete strangers.... I can't help it! A few months ago I read in some glossy magazine that in the age of facebook/twitter/instagram it's easy to get a warped image of how the other half lives.
I'm guilty as charged, of facebook-envy.
I can't help it, I stalk the pages and fill up with a sense of being incomplete, not fun enough, not brave enough, not pretty enough. I feel like my life is a complete failure and that everyone else is having a FUCKING GREAT TIME.
I'm sure they have shit days too though. Don't they? They must. Days when they feel lost, fat or lonely. Surely everyone feels like this sometimes?
I had a friend who once said that she could put up with our shit job and the general feeling of being adrift if only she had someone to come home to. A man.
I feel myself sympathising more and more with her now. I'm so used to being someone's girlfriend, so now that I'm not I feel like half a person. This is most likely linked to my facebook-envy as well, we live in a society which puts being a COUPLE on a pedestal. It's a sign of success somehow, someone LOVES you.
So when you're a serial monogamist like me finding yourself single feels like a failure. I know full well how horrid this sounds, but at least writing it down helps me to realise just HOW ridiculous it is.
Man, sometimes I really think I need a hard slap across the face.
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ReplyDeletesorry - I wanted just to say - that a lot of people post stuff on facebook to feel good about themselves. Yes, being single is very hard, but worse is to be in a relationship with the wrong guy. You are special!
ReplyDeleteTrue, facebook is the self-affirmation centre of the world. i think we all do it.
DeleteAnd you're right. Of course you're right, I know it myself. Sometimes pity takes over and I have to wallow for a bit. But I would rather be on my own than with the wrong person.